when you've already told yourself that life is not going your way unless you've decided to change it, it somehow give yourself a boost of confidence that you can make it. Knowing that you've thought about this yourself made you think that you are absolutely independent in this matter... and so you'd believe the grass is greener on the other side.

But when someone else made a point how much a loser you are, your life became meaningless..

... life is cruel..